Does James Gunn’s Humanzee Reveal Xbox’s Secret Prudishness?

UPDATED: Last December, I spoke with PG Porn creator and established Hollywood screenwriter James Gunn regarding his Horror Meets Comedy project. At that time, Gunn revealed that Humanzee would not be a part of the series, as Xbox and Microsoft had decided it was too extreme to be included. According to his blog, Spike.com also declined to acquire it, but 10 months later, just in time to cash in on the Halloween season, the tale of a man and his half-human/half-chimpanzee son has found a home on blip.tv. “Out of all of the stuff I’ve produced for the web, mobile and gaming platforms — PG Porn, Sparky & Mikaela, and more,” Gunn writes, “Humanzee is by far my favorite…and by far the most outrageous.” (He did not say if he loves it more than the live-action Scooby Doo.)

That chain of events makes a girl wonder: How offensive is too offensive for Microsoft and Xbox Live? So here is a real-time account of me watching the short film deemed too inappropriate for an audience that likes to play profanity-filled video games where you can kill hookers. (Not that Grand Theft Auto isn’t a fun time, but still.) Update: The Horror Meets Comedy project was meant to be appropriate for a PG-13 audience, not the adult audience of those games. And away we go! Warning: spoilers ahead.

0:45: OK, not bad so far. The fake sitcom approach is a little “been there, done that,” but it’s a handy excuse for some quick exposition setting up how exactly one acquires a half-human/half-chimp progeny. Profanity count so far: one use of the c-word, at least three f-bombs.

1:15: Credits. No more profanity, but some human urine. And, of course, the first appearance of the titular Humanzee — who looks a little like Sloth from The Goonies, but less articulate.

1:50: Three more f-bombs, one s-word, one priest (played by Michael Rooker!)

2:24: Strange 35-second stretch of awkward conversation between James and his lady-crush Penny. I say strange because it’s completely lacking in profanity. Fortunately, James hangs up with a dramatic “FUDGE!” or two. (You know what I mean.)

3:11: A few more swears, but nothing too horrifying. I’m starting to think the folks at Xbox are a little prissy.

3:50: Big dance party to celebrate the Humanzee! Some of the girls are wearing bikinis, which is hardly shocking. James brings out the Humanzee on a leash. Flashbulbs. I can only assume this will tee off some sort of murderous rampage on the part of the Humanzee?

4:50: Not immediately, it seems. Instead follows a minute’s worth of ritual humiliation for the Humanzee. The worst thing that happens is he’s made to drink a martini and smoke a clove cigarette. Someone uses a cheese grater on his head, which draws a little blood. Profanity watch: Nothing save a reference to oral sex (using the short’s third euphemism for female genitalia — way to keep it fresh!)

5:56: The least profanity-filled parts of this short are when James is trying to put the moves on Penny. Even when he talks about genitalia, he keeps it clinical. It’s nice that he cleans up his act for the ladies.

6:02: Finally, the Humanzee’s murderous rampage begins! Word of advice for heroines in web video — don’t be named Penny. And OK, that death was pretty gory. Head removal plus some goopy blood splatter.

6:10: And then…the Humanzee’s murderous rampage ends, as it’s time to bury Penny in the backyard. God, why do I feel disappointed by that?

6:45: We all learn a valuable sitcom-esque lesson about teaching our half-chimpanzee sons not to murder nice ladies. Then the Humanzee murders another girl, this one wearing a bikini. Not quite the rampage I was expecting, but again, solid gore effects on that neck bite.

7:00: And they all lived happily ever after. Except for all the female characters, who were murdered.

Was it really that bad? On the surface, I don’t think so. There was no nudity; the profanity was perhaps a bit gratuitous but hardly beyond the pale; and the gore effects were bloody but not overtly realistic or terribly shocking. The key issue, probably, was the Humanzee himself — while clearly a fantasy character, his appearance and behavior could be mistaken for mental disability, and thus the scenes humiliating and debasing him take on an uneasy tint.

So take that as you will, filmmakers hoping for a Microsoft deal: swears, yes, making fun of the mentally handicapped and physically deformed, nope. It’s a lesson even Gunn had to learn for himself.
Update: In an April 2009 blog entry, Gunn explained that Xbox put a PG-13 limit on the Horror Meets Comedy project, which Humanzee definitely doesn’t meet, on the basis of language alone.

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