SuperSite FAQ About Windows 7 — What They Really Meant to Say

Since Microsoft is trying hard not to talk about Vista, they’re falling back on their SOP of deflecting attention to a shiny new object, in this case Windows 7. To that end, the SuperSite for Windows has taken it upon itself to become the “central location for accurate information about Windows 7.” 

While I’m sure they meant well, when I read their answers I can see that either the SuperSite was not quite getting them right, or maybe they just chose to use an awful lot of words to say something that could be done much more succinctly.

As a service to those curious about Microsoft’s upcoming OS — especially those still running XP Pro — I’ll answer the questions here more clearly. The SuperSite can thank me later, I’m just trying to help. 

Q: Is Microsoft working on an operating system after Windows Vista?

Yes. It’s just a shame they were not working on an operating system before Windows Vista. 

Q: Why Windows 7?

Seven is Microsoft’s lucky number. They’ve also hung horse shoes above the developers’ cubicles and require them to carry a rabbit’s foot. With all that luck, they can’t lose (though, admittedly, the foot didn’t bring much luck to the rabbit).  

Q: Is Windows 7 the final name?

Probably, though Microsoft’s marketing group is chewing on this one. It would certainly be original to name the OS after a number. They’re also thinking of naming it ‘Windows X’, where ‘X’ represents the roman numeral for 10. The combination of a number with something that’s almost, kind of, sort of, like a foreign language would be further proof of how cool and hip Microsoft is. It would also provide a clear example of their innovation in product names.

Q: I heard that Windows Vista will be the last major OS release from Microsoft. Is that true?

(**spewing coffee all over keyboard and monitor**) Heavens no! Without the Windows and Office cash cows they’ve got nothing. They’ll be coding Windows versions till you pry the source code from their cold, dead fingers. 

Q: So is Windows 7 going to be a major Windows version? 

Define “major”… They went that route with Vis–, um, I mean, with that “V” word OS. Let’s just say that Windows 7 will be major… ish. It’ll be everything you want it to be, but nothing more. Lots of new features, but that’s not to say it’ll have too many. Will be very powerful, but won’t grind a two-year-old system to a halt. In fact, in a recent statement, the Windows 7 Product Manager, Goldi Locks, was quoted as saying it’ll be “just right.”

Q: When will Windows 7 ship?

Well, when they ship it, obviously. More specifically, it will definitely ship sometime in the future. As far as you know. 

Q: What features will be included in Windows 7?

Too many to recount here. They’re thinking them up coding them as fast as they can. Trust us. However, Microsoft truly cares; they listen to their customers. They’ve already addressed the three most requested features: 

  1. It’s not Vista. 
  2. It’s not Vista.
  3. It’s not Vista.

Q: Will Windows 7 be available in both 32-bit and 64-bit versions like Vista?

Of course. The only way to avoid this would be to ship one OS version that can do both. Microsoft’s brilliant technicians have worked over five years on this and concluded that such a feat is impossible. 

Q: Will Microsoft release any Windows updates between now and Windows 7?

They’ll slap a few SPs on it like they always do, and they’ll plug whatever security holes they choose to tell you about (heh, they like having code nobody can vet but them) once a month on Tuesdays.