Friday Vid Picks: GodTube

Don’t think I didn’t notice the news about GodTube this week. It’s all about the niche content here at NewTeeVee. I’d be happy to pick videos from PornoTube, but sadly I need a reason more newsworthy than “Dude, boobs!” Not that religion and sexuality are in any way mutually exclusive, contrary to what you may have heard. Personally, I’m waiting for HeracleTube or SocraTube for my metaphysical online video fix.

So what is GodTube? Chris Wyatt, CEO of GodTube, explains the site to Martha MacCallum in this Fox News segment. Wyatt is apparently a Hollywood veteran, and explains that there is a ‘manual’ approval process for clips that includes opinions from ‘theologians.’ Which, based on a scan of the site’s channel listings, are entirely Christian (the only non-Christian themed channel is titled “Militant Islamic“).

While I eagerly await YahwehTube, AllahTube, LRonTube and the inevitable religion-branded YouTube clones, I’ll have to settle for the word according to American Protestan Evangelicals. Though when you give it a catchy backbeat and parody lyrics from Sir Mix-a-lot, it’s less “the word” and more just “word.” Here’s the complete “Baby Got Book” from the earlier MacCallum segment.

You can’t launch an online video sharing site without a user-generated content contest, now can you? While GodTube’s launch isn’t officially until May 1st, you can already begin uploading your recreations of biblical stories for their “As it Was – Bible is Reel” contest. For an example that’s “for sure” going to inspire, check out this unconsciously postmodern interpretation of David versus Goliath. Lot’s inebriation and seduction at the hands of his daughters would certainly make for compelling viewing.

If your biblical imagination tends to turn towards fantasies of Sodom and Gomorrah, then you might just catch some of the unintentional humor in this proof of intelligent design using the plain banana as an example. It’s grooved to fit perfectly in the hand, and curves to fit perfectly in the mouth! Take that, atheists! What tells me Ted Haggard would approve of this clip?

Think you’re a real Christian, dressed as you are in your Sunday best? Think again! Christianity isn’t about dressing the part and leaving a big tip in the collection basket, regardless of what Jerry Falwell may have led you to believe. Apparently it’s in following the teachings of Christ, what with the cheek turning and meek blessing and such. And GodTube puts the message in terms even Silicon Valley sinners can understand — as a parody of the current Apple campaign.

Now excuse me while I go straight to hell.