Commitment, anxiety and attention

I have had commitment issues. For the longest time, I could not commit myself to living in San Francisco. The life was always more fun in New York, and I so desperately wanted to go back to the Big Apple. The only place, I called home. Why? because as an immigrant, to me it was America. Secondly, some of my best friends are in New York. I have wanted to go back for the longest time, wistfully dreaming of days when I could have a drink at Steak Frites. Or dinner at Tamarind. Or simply walk on the westside.

I am not. I am staying put in the city by the Bay. However, I am moving to a new apartment in two weeks. It is big, airy and has lots of light. Perhaps, it will be the refresh I need and propel me to finally get cracking on the next book. A lot of it has to do with work. I think I have found my mojo and well Business 2.0 is humming! I like the people I work with. (Whether they do, remains to be seen!) We are doing part of the Silicon Valley zeitgeist now – we get to the real important stories before everyone else.

The new apartment perhaps will help me overcome some of the anxieties. I am wrought by the thought of 1200 unanswered emails, and nearly 6000 unread posts in NetNewsWire. So much so, I cannot deal with the new stuff, and it just is piling up. (2004 I used to get 50 emails a day, but now its like 300 a day – even dot.mac wants more money because I am running out of space – anyone have suggestions for a good hosted Exchange service!) I have not checked Andy or James’s VoIP thoughts in three days! Makes me a horrible friend. Does anyone else have these problems? Talking about anxiety, Steve Gillmor has a solution to this – he calls it attention. I met with him yesterday – he had decaf and I had extra shot so we were even – an he said I must listen to latest “Attention” specific podcast over on The Gillmor Gang. He and I have tussled over many issues, but its not personal. As a parting shot, he admonished for not podcasting. Can anyone help me out there? I need to learn how to podcast in three easy steps. As you might have noticed… my attention span is short these days.


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