Which is surprising, given the content. Netflix’s Example Show was shot entirely on the company’s campus in Los Gatos, California. It features long and action-free segments of the building itself, a fountain and flowers. Then there’s a guy moonwalking, hopping around, juggling and dramatically reciting Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. There’s also minutes of AV test segments and a model train carrying two plastic penguins.

The TV show features four episodes total, spread out over two seasons. Each and every video is 11 minutes long, and completely identical. Credited as actors are “Actor” and “Actress,” and the creator is none other than “Creator.” Of course, Netflix cross-references all these data points to help users find more movies of their favorite actors, and following these links reveals that there are a few more short films with the exact same content, with poetic titles like Example Short 23.976 Burned In Timecode Remote Content.

And all of them have received numerous rave reviews from Netflix’s customers. Some are picking up on the strange titles, with one reviewer writing:

“Awesome! Might the greatest story ever told. The part (where) the frame rate stay [sic] a solid 23.976 is my favorite part by far. ”

Others sing high praise of the oddly named talent:

“I had previously seen Actor and Actress in Play at the Public Theater. Beckett be damned: nothing that I saw there prepared me for Example Short 23.967. The friction between the frame rate and the raw emotion, especially in Actor, still haunts me.”

As strange at the videos are themselves, these reviews are solid gold; hilarious user-generated internet entertainment in the tradition of the Amazon reviews for articles like Tuscan Whole Milk and the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. But how did the videos end up on the service in the first place?

I asked Netflix about it, and was told that the clips were produced a few years ago for testing purposes. Also, the moon-walking Shakespeare aficionado starring in them doesn’t actually work at Netflix. He’s a freelancer, specifically hired for this project. A Netflix spokesperson went on to explain:

“These test videos are designed to help makers of consumer electronics devices that can stream from Netflix test their video players to handle various scenarios such as audio-visual syncing and complex motion at a wide variance of frame rates. Simply placing these titles into our production catalog, available through search only, eliminates the need for complex testing infrastructure.”

However, adding these titles to Netflix’s catalog also surfaced them through the site’s RSS feed – and that’s how most customers likely stumbled across them. To this day, Netflix is repackaging the material every couple of months for new tests, releasing it under equally descriptive titles. And every time, there’s a few more Netflix users stumbling across the clips, curious, amused, and eventually inspired to leave reviews like this one:

“Stunning and transfixing. This sensitive film draws the viewer into rethinking the entire human experience. Yin and yang, up and down, peanut butter and jelly. This will be studied by the next generation of film makers to inspire and challenge creativity.”

That’s likely more than Creator and Actor ever hoped for.

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Everyone has things they are waiting for — for some it’s a Wham! reunion tour, for others it’s an Eddie Murphy movie that’s actually funny, or a personal jetpack like we were promised in Popular Science magazine (seriously, where are those things?). For much of the technology world, it’s a Facebook IPO, which we’ve been told won’t be coming for at least another year and a half or so. What are some of the others? Here’re a few we came up with — some tongue-in-cheek and some not. If you have any great additions to the list or thoughts about it, please add them in the comments.

* Spotify’s U.S. Launch: The music-streaming service continues to toy with the emotions of U.S. residents who are increasingly desperate to use it. There is even a website devoted to chronicling the anticipation of this blessed event.

* A Verizon iPhone: In much the same way that the magic “Apple Phone”  was drooled over for years before its actual launch, iPhone users in the U.S. continue to await a phone that actually works — i.e., one that doesn’t use AT&T’s network.

* A Popular Microsoft Product: With a track record that includes the “Bob” interface, Clippy and the recently euthanized Kin phones, this one seems like a long shot — but hey, people can hope, can’t they? Next up: a Microsoft tablet. Woo-hoo! (P.S. The Xbox is the exception that proves the rule).

* A Twitter That Works: Despite the millions that have been thrown at the social network, the “Fail Whale” and repeated ratcheting down of API limits continue. Possible explanation: Twitter engineers are using AT&T iPhones to keep track of their servers.

* Bill Gates’ Return: Ever since the “Monkey Boy” video, not to mention the lackluster stock performance of the software behemoth, there has been a rising chorus of calls for Ballmer’s ouster and the return of Emperor Palpatine… er, Bill Gates. Keep dreaming.

* A Google Social Network: Yes, we know that you and your brother-in-law love Buzz, and your Aunt Sally is crazy about Wave. Some of you even know people who like Knol (which may or may not be deceased) and are hopeful about Google Me. Our advice? You need to get out more.

* A Chatty Apple: Look, Apple just doesn’t like to tell people things, okay? Sometimes it’s about Steve Jobs having cancer, sometimes it’s things about stock options or the real truth behind the antenna thing. It’s none of your business, so stop asking.

* Micro-payments: Remember Beenz? How about Flooz? Whoopi Goldberg tried to sell that one for awhile. The tech sector has been waiting for micro-payments for so long that the original plans involved using ASCII text and the Gopher protocol. Still waiting.

* Han Solo’s Arrest: The evidence is incontrovertible — Solo shot first and killed Greedo in cold blood in the bar on Mos Eisley. There shouldn’t be any need for further debate. Of course, finding the outlaw starship pilot could be difficult, but that doesn’t mean we should give up hope.

We’ll leave it up to you to decide which of these are serious and which are meant to be humorous. Let us know your favorite dreams-in-waiting.

Not a person was stirring, they were resting their hand.

All of the fanboys, were snug in their beds.

While visions of touching, swiping and dragging,

Did dance in their heads.

The App Store was open, to the sound of ka-ching.

Apps flew off the shelves, for the iPads not yet there.

On UPS and FedEx, to the good boys and girls.

Waiting madly for the magic, worth more than rare pearls.

A new day was dawning, for fan and foe alike,

In that little white box, was more fun than a bike.

The day itself is tomorrow, so I’m providing some suggestions that haven’t been done to death, and that will go over especially well if you go to your local Mac club’s Halloween bash this weekend.

Costume #1: John Sculley

The Jobs costume, and even the Woz costume, are common enough, and Flickr is replete with examples of both. What isn’t so common is people opting to dress up like former Apple CEO John Sculley, who was Apple’s CEO when Steve Jobs was ousted from the company.

To dress up as Sculley, think conventional business person. A dark suit and sensible, solid-colored tie is best. Use some flour or temporary coloring in your hair to achieve a salt-and-pepper type look. Carry a bottle of Pepsi, or, as Steve Jobs likes to call it, “sugared water.” Carry a Newton in the other hand if you can find one. Also bring with you many copies of your autobiography “Odyssey” and distribute to everyone you meet.

Costume #2: The Apple Lisa

It’s easy to dress like the original Mac, since the shape is basically the same as a large cardboard box which you can then detail as needed. What’s more challenging, and therefore more impressive if you do pull it off, is the Apple Lisa.

The Lisa, released in 1983, was a beast compared to the Mac, a wide squat gal with two 5.25-inch floppy drives stacked next to the built-in monitor. You could manage this on your own, but for more accuracy, partner up and make this a two person costume. For added fun, create an Apple ProFile external hard disk replica and wear it atop your Lisa costume. When people accuse you of being unsuccessful, retort with “At least NASA loved me!”

Costume #3: Hexley the Platypus

Who doesn’t love the adorable mascot of Apple’s open source operating system, Darwin? His name is Hexley, and he’s a platypus, and he’s unsanctioned by Apple. Whether or not he’s officially approved of by Apple, which bases OS X on the Darwin POSIX-compliant operating system, as a costume idea, he’s rife with potential.

At the very least, you’ll need a full-body platypus costume, which can’t be that hard to find. Just look in the “marsupial” section at your local dress-up shop. If all the platypus costumes are already rented, a black duck-bill and a flat, broad tail will suffice.

If you really want to go all out, you’ll also need a soft red cap with devil horns attached to it, and a big red pitchfork. Other optional props include a perfect floating sphere of water, a giant-size old-fashioned key, and a giant worm. If you feel like being even more obscure, try other Apple-related mascots like Clarus the Dogcow.

Costume #4: The Moscone Center

It’s the building where virtually every major Apple event goes down, including the Macworld Expo, and the Worldwide Developers Conference. It’s also probably the most challenging costume on this list, but if you go for the very recognizable corner view seen in the photo shown here, it might not be that difficult.

Wear two large pieces of cardboard joined to form a corner. Round the top, and coat with yellow tissue paper to mimic the inside lighting. Cover with a top layer of cellophane or transparency material to emulate the windows, and make sure to paint in window separators and apply giant Apple decals. Make a “street” attached to the bottom of the costume, and glue toy cars to it for added realism.

There you have it, four ways to stand out from the crowd this Halloween, and show your love of Apple. Also a great way to alienate non-techies and possibly get beat up, if you’re still in high school.

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Instead, why not embrace my web working identity as a source of costume idea inspiration? These costumes may not be instantly recognizable by everyone, but those who do recognize them will make it all worthwhile, especially if you travel with a web-savvy crowd. Please note that any ribbing that follows is of the good-natured variety.

Idea #1: SEO Expert

This is the first thing that came to mind, and probably one of the easiest to do. It doesn’t necessarily require any special wardrobe, but dressing like an old-time traveling cough syrup salesman and giving yourself a silly name like Dr. Higgledy-Digg couldn’t hurt. Nor would printing up fake credentials, like a PhD in the field of “Findology.”

Be sure to also prepare a briefcase full of Google Search screenshots, charts and graphs detailing questionable ROI numbers, and brochures extolling the virtues of affiliate marketing. While you’re at the party you’re attending, constantly spout out high visibility keywords in a random string while holding up two header tags. Whenever anyone mentions the word content, laugh derisively and let on that you’re privy to the algorithms of both Google and Bing.

Idea #2: Tech Blogger

Dress in pajamas or track pants, possibly with a housecoat, and make sure your hair is unkempt. You may or may not also abstain from brushing your teeth. Carry a laptop with you at all times — ideally a netbook — and make sure to consistently utter complaints about the signal quality, wherever you are.

Pick a pet tech, like mobile, Apple, Microsoft, video games or whatever you can think of. Steer all conversations you have during the night towards that topic, and make ridiculous predictions about the future of said tech. Always cite “sources” for said predictions, but if anyone asks for more detail about the sources, change the topic or mumble something under your breath.

Make sure all the photos you take during the party are blurry and out of focus or of people’s cell phones and other devices instead of the people themselves, and make sure you get at least a few of your hand lovingly caressing their electronics. Sneak comedic references to “Star Wars” and “Terminator” into as many conversations as possible.

Idea #3: Social Media Maven

Wear a shirt that says “I’m Kind of a Big Deal on Twitter,” “Tweet or Die” or the name of your self-published book on how to achieve success through Twitter. Carry many copies of said book in a satchel or book bag and hand them out while winking and saying “review copy.” Every time someone wants to take your picture, try to recreate the pose from your Twitter picture. You know, the one that emphasizes your “good side.”

Throughout the night, give a preachy, self-important tip as to how to tweet successfully every five or 10 minutes. Once in a while, repeat exactly what someone else just said if you found it particularly insightful or funny. When people ask you about your credentials, start listing important people you know and have talked to once or twice, then just provide a total number of how many people you know in total.

While talking with others, mention Facebook, LinkedIn and FriendFeed, but never go further than speaking about them offhand. Make sure to tell everyone you’re available for speaking engagements.

There you have it — three easy costumes with little or no preparation required. And I suspect many of you, like myself, already have many of the necessary components on hand. Happy Halloween!

What costume are you wearing this Halloween?

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With the App Store, it’s a little different. A year ago, Steve Jobs stood on a stage and painted a picture of Apple as benevolent Guardian of Light. The types of software Apple would disallow seemed like a no brainer: porn, malicious apps, bandwidth hogs, etc. Now, I’m starting to think that scene could have been from a remake of the Godfather.

A young software developer nominated by his peers to ask this request is ushered into the Godfather’s study. A tall, unshaven man is sitting behind a desk petting a cat. Two men are off in the shadows.

“Please Godfather,” the young man pleads. “We will do anything to be able to develop for the iPhone. ANYTHING.”

The Godfather sighs, puts the cat down and stands up, brushing cat hairs from his black mock turtleneck. His sons, Phil and Tim, come out of the shadows. He walks over to the trembling developer, places his arm around his shoulders and says, “I will grant you your request. In return, you will let me dip my beak into your enterprise — just a little, say 30 percent. You will also agree to make no apps with that funny business. No nudity. Nothing obscene. We are not the monsters the media paints us to be. We run a family business. However, I must caution: Some day, and that day may never come, I may need to disallow one of your apps.”

A year passes, and the young software developer is now in a basement, chained to a chair under a single, exposed light. Blood is running down his face and the Godfather is wearing a stained apron over his turtleneck and jeans.

“I let you run your own little enterprise, and this is how you repay me? You attack my own business and try to cut into my profits — cut into the alliances I have created with the other Families, the Families that are the transport for our commerce. Why do you disrespect me? There can be no competition to the apps that ship on the iPhone. No apps to download podcasts. No apps to check your mail. No apps to surf the Internet. We already give you those apps.”

I have an issue with Apple disallowing apps because they “duplicate existing functionality” on the iPhone. Granted, there’s a line. As much as I’d love a Gmail app that handled conversation threading, I can see where there’d be confusion with it not being the default mail client. For the most part though, I think if someone searches for, and downloads, an app, there’s not going to be much confusion on what it does.

It seems like we rarely go through a month where there’s not an app rejection worthy of a facepalm. Podcaster got refused because it had functionality Apple hadn’t released yet. Eucalyptus got refused because a reviewer was able to use it to download the Kama Sutra (although you can make a point it duplicated existing functionality since Apple thoughtfully provided a browser I can use to view all types of adult content). Now, Google Voice got refused because AT&T requested it. With the not-so-subtle attacks against AT&T at WWDC, I’m amazed Apple caved to AT&T and didn’t just start laughing.

Developers are starting to shy away from the platform — it may not be an exodus, but the natives are definitely restless. While he’s much maligned for it, Ballmer was right: it’s all about developers, developers, developers. This is turning into a PR nightmare for Apple, which is hard to imagine, given PR is Apple’s strong point.

I’m also worried if they continue refusing apps because it competes against Apple (or, rather, “duplicates existing functionality”) that may begin to start an antitrust movement. It’s not illegal for a company to be a monopoly; it is illegal to use that monopoly to stifle competition. I fear Apple is getting dangerously close to that point with the heavy hand they have on the App Store.

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Microsoft’s free antivirus software, Morro, will soon be in beta testing — a free cure for one of the Windows world’s greatest sicknesses. And you know it’s gotta be good, because who better to close those doors than the company that opened them in the first place?

We should all practice safe computing, so as a Mac user, I’m not going to mention the stark virus differences between the opposing platforms. Rather, today I suggest we lift our voice in song to celebrate the occasion with our Windows-loving friends.

Come on, you know the song, so feel free to join in…

Malware on my PC
To Morro.
Bet your bottom dollar
That with Morro,
There’ll be none.

Virus on the network
To Morro.
Clean away the spyware
In code borrowed
From someone.

When my PC’s exposed,
And hosed,
Infected.
I just reach for the cure,
I’m sure,
And say…

Oh!

The fix’ll come soon
To Morro.
Other AV vendors,
Filled with sorrow,
Cry all day!

To Morro! To Morro!
Blow kisses to Morro!
It’s just
A release
Away!

(Apologies to everyone involved in the production of Annie.)

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No, I’m not kidding. This actually happened. I had a 30-second “interview” with Jonathan Ive.

On the way out of the Moscone Center this morning, as streams of people are leaving to get some fresh air and digest all of the announcements from the WWDC 2009 keynote address, I see a familiar face walking towards me. It’s Jonathan Ive. I can’t believe it. This guy is design royalty.

But I’m from Los Angeles: We’re not afraid to approach the rich and famous in my city. Heck, I produce theater with lots of famous actors and comedians, so I often have to work with known personalities. This was a rare opportunity and certainly not a time for sudden shyness, so I approached the master designer and introduced myself.

The following is an exact transcript of what transpired.

Me: Jonathan…?
Jonathan: [Turns, sees I'm no one he knows] Yes…?
Me: David Koff. Nice to meet you.
Jonathan: Thank you.
Me: May I snap a photo with you?

[Beat. He pauses, looks around, unsure of what to say, clearly uncomfortable.]

Me: It’s not a big deal. If you’d rather not, it’s quite OK.
Jonathan: Well, there are others here who are also deserving of a photo but I can’t accommodate them as well, so…how about we just shake hands?
Me: That would be lovely. I’m a great fan of your work.
Jonathan: Thank you, that’s very kind.
Me: You’re welcome. Keep up the good work.
Jonathan: [Looking at me like I'm insane] I’ll do that. Thank you.

[He walks off. I wait a moment. I follow, calling after him, running and waving my arms wildly as if in a Seth Rogan romantic comedy...]

Me: Godspeed, Jonathan! I love you! Have my babies…!

OK, well maybe that’s not how I ended the conversation, but everything before that was accurate. Ive is a notoriously private and quiet individual, which is why I was surprised to even see him out and about with the crowd — and which is why I was surprised he even stopped to turn and speak with me.

But that’s your dutiful David Koff, folks. Always willing to find the hard-to-get interviews…even when the interviewee doesn’t know he was scheduled to meet me in the first place.

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There once was a major OS
Whose code was so clearly a mess.
But we just have to cope,
And hope against hope
It’s fixed in the next version, I guess.

There’s a hot social network called Twitter.
On my desktop, “tweets” it does litter.
Truth is most are a bore;
I’m not sure I want more,
But I sort through the mud for the glitter.

We once kept our files on PCs
So working with them was a breeze.
But now they’re in the Cloud,
And we all scream out loud
When an outage brings us to our knees.

I have personal info to sync,
And used all the right settings, I think.
Alas, to my despair
It never gets there;
It’s enough to drive someone to drink.

There’s a hot rumor from overseas.
Geeks just can’t get enough of these.
It wasn’t fact-checked,
But it must be correct
Since it came to us from the Chinese.

In this online age it gets tough,
And some firms’ Terms of Service are rough.
But we’re in such a hurry
We don’t stop to worry
Until Facebook owns all of our stuff.

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Some say it’ll be a netbook;
That’s what Chinese papers proclaim.
Their track record has been spotty at best
But we believe them all the same.

Others say it’ll be a touch;
An amazing new device.
Stunning, breathtaking, typically Apple,
Right down to the asking price.

Still others say it’s a tablet;
The form pushed by the last generation.
Some people just can’t let this idea go;
It’s like rumor constipation.

The competition will laugh.
“It’ll never sell” they’ll bemoan.
Then immediately tell their engineers
To begin making one of their own.

Tech pundits of course will hate it;
They’ll nit-pick it and start naggin’.
But after an incredible blow-out quarter
They’ll scramble to get on the bandwagon.

Apple bashers will decry it
Despite features with which it’s graced.
“Who cares that it can cure cancer,” they’ll wail,
“When its battery can’t be replaced?”

Of course there will be cool features
Like only Apple designs.
Push a button and it logs in to the DMV
To erase all your parking fines.

The broadband features are many,
I can only name a few.
It’ll jam the wireless signal
Of the loser’s Dell sitting next to you.

Alas, this is just speculation.
No one really has a clue.
But that won’t stop anyone from bringing
All of this news to you.

Truth is we don’t know much about it.
Not the inside, not the screen.
In fact I think all that we know for sure
Is that Apple will say it’s green.

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