“Well I don’t really need anything, and I have too much stuff anyway and if I wanted anything it would be an ocean-side vacation home on the Big Island of Hawaii, an all-expenses-paid trip to India or a new Kate Spade designer purse. But I’m guessing you just don’t have that much spare change lying around and besides we’re not that close.” Or something like that.

If you’re in a similar dilemma about what to get or what to give this holiday season, check out this list of productivity-enhancing presents. They’re all good for business, but won’t break the bank.

1. The Portable Charging Valet: What web worker has not known the horror of running out of battery juice just at the critical moment of closing the deal or putting the final touches on a technical solution? The Portable Charging Valet from The Sharper Image keeps three of the electronic devices you can’t live without morning, noon or night charged up and ready to go. The charger is compatible with your favorite handheld devices including cell phones, PDAs, portable games, iPods/iPhones and Bluetooth headsets. Available at Best Buy, Kohl’s, Amazon.com, Beall’s and Boscov’s: $39.99.
2. The Brain Fitness Program: For Generation Xers and baby boomers alike, keeping your mind sharp and focused is a path to long-term productivity. These challenging programs from brain fitness software company Posit Science can help keep your mind agile, even in the hectic world of Web 2.0. Available from Posit Science, $300 per program.
3. Washable keyboards and mice: OK, true confessions time. If you have never spilled a. a diet Coke, b. a decaf chai latte or c. a martini on your computer keyboard, raise your hand. I thought so. Yes, Virginia, there is now a keyboard that you can dump a whole can of soda on and not bring your work life to a standstill. The Seal Shield washable products can be put in the dishwasher or washed in a sink of warm, soapy water. As a bonus, they incorporate an antimicrobial protection that inhibits the spread of bacteria — so if you share a keyboard with a family member or co-worker, there’s less chance of passing the flu, cold or other nasty bugs between you. Available from Seal Shield, $39.99 each
4. Mini monitors: Is your desktop overcrowded with high-tech gizmos, piles of paper and oversized monitors? If so, why not offload your social media tools, iTunes, photo managers, instant messenger windows, etc. onto a separate monitor? The Mimo 710-S “Mobile Slider” Model can help make your dream of a cleaner, more organized desktop come true. Available from Mimo Monitors, $149.99
5. Etre Touchy gloves: Just because it’s 20 below out, snowing and you can barely move your frozen fingers is no excuse for shirking your texting responsibilities.  These gloves keep your hands warm and dry while using mobile phones, portable game systems, music players and other electronic devices. The missing thumb and index fingertips on the gloves allow you to touch, tap, stroke, slide and pinch these devices. So snow or no, you’re out of reasons for not getting back to that touchy client. Available from Etre Touchy, $32.56
6. The Voyager Pro Bluetooth headset: Voted Editor’s Choice by PC Magazine and CNET for not one, not two, but three layers of wind protection, the Voyager Pro is Plantronics’ top-of-the-line noise-canceling headset. In the interest of true and honest disclosure, I was sent this headset years ago to test and I’ve used it ever since. If you spend hours glued to the phone, this handy device can provide Long-term comfort and quiet. Available from Plantronics, $99.99

From tuning up your brain to clearing off your desk, these six holiday suggestions would fill the stockings of any self-respecting web worker. So write your note to Santa (or Chanukah Harry) and tell him you’ve been really nice this year — or at least plan to be next year — and see what awaits you under the tree or round the menorah.

What gifts are you hoping for this year?

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Surveys from various industries repeatedly show that it’s cheaper to retain clients than to find new ones. One way to keep them is to let them know how much you value them. Since the beginning of my business, I do little things for my clients to show I think of them and appreciate them. You can do this without spending a lot, and some suggestions only cost a little bit of your time.

If you’re tired of pulling your hair out for ideas, here are some to inspire you:

Non-gift Ideas

• Share a relevant article. When I come across an article or comic that’s related to my clients’ business, I share it with them. This shows that I’m thinking of them and that Icare about their business.
• Forward publicity opportunities. If you’re a member of Help a Reporter Out (HARO) or know reporters in need of an expert, forward them to your clients when you find a match.
• Make referrals. Hear someone asking, “Hey, do you know anyone who can do such ‘n such?” Refer the person to your client or give your client a heads up.
• Promote your clients. I watch my clients’ tweets, Facebook updates, newsletters, whathaveyou. If they make an announcement, win an award or make news, I’ll mention them on my blog or Twitter stream.
• Donate in your client’s name. If you already donate to nonprofit organizations, why not make it in honor of your client? Even better, keep track of your clients’ favorite causes and donate to those causes in their name.
• Write a note. This means writing, not typing. Handwritten notes are rare these days, so it’s a pleasant surprise whenever someone receives one. Every year, I send a handwritten note to all of my clients and others I wish to thank.
• Send a greeting card. Don’t stop with winter holiday cards. Consider birthdays, national holidays or a get well card. Add a handwritten note in the card for a personal touch. Although e-cards can work, receiving a card in the mail can have a bigger impact.
• Provide a testimonial. While it’s typical for clients to do the testimonial writing, you can do it for your clients, too. For example, I wrote one for a client who is an author and speaker since I had read his book and seen him in action.
• Review the client’s product or service. You and I are customers, too. I’ve written book reviews of clients’ books. But how do I avoid sounding like I’m kissing up to the client? I let the review speak for itself, knowing that a fake-sounding review does no good for the author, reader and me.
• Refer to print articles. Was your client mentioned in a print publication? Did an author you know have a book mentioned in the newspaper? Or you found an article or comic that you want to share. You could cut them and mail them, or scan them and email them. Some print articles are available online, so you can forward them or link to them.
• Touch base with your client. A phone call, an email or some other touchpoint is a great way to check in with your client and just ask how they’re doing — with no selling, and no business talk from your end.

Gift Ideas

We’ve presented suggestions for web worker stocking stuffers, but not all clients are web workers. Plus web workers may need to consider the cost of shipping gifts. You may need to find different gifts for your international clients due to customs and higher shipping costs.

• Gift cards. Not everyone likes coffee. Not everyone has X store. Before buying gift cards, consider client likes, dislikes and locations. Another possibility is a gift card from an online store with a wide selection. Keep in mind that there may be shipping costs.
• Books. The hardest thing about giving books is finding one you can buy in bulk at a discount that will please everyone. I’ve previously sent books about success and business inspiration. If you have the time and resources, you could select a different book for each client.
• Food. The first year I gave gifts to clients, I sent pecan pralines. Being from Texas, I wanted to send something that represented Texas. I did wonder about nut allergies, and sure enough, one client had an allergy, but she reported her kids loved the treat. The next year, I sent candy and popcorn without nuts.  Coffee and tea are often winners, too.
• Useful giveaways. This year, I not only sent a little book to clients, but also a notepad made out of recycled material with my company logo on it. I use a few things that have a company logo on them because they’re useful. So in thinking about a customized giveaway item, I considered price and usefulness. Shirts are also great, but then you have to deal with the size dilemma. Even if you order them big, the client might feel insulted not realizing you were covering everyone with one size.
• Personalized gifts. Unlike giveaways that mention your company’s name, you can personalize a gift by inscribing it with the client’s name.
• Free product or service. Create a free product or service coupon based on your business offerings, or just wrap them up. If you’re an author, send a signed copy of your book.

How do you thank your clients?

Photo credit: abcdz2000

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Even across great distances, we can still schmooze and butter up with the best of ‘em. The key is good CRM, which applies regardless of distance. Here are some examples of how you might go about bridging that geographic gap to form a solid client-contractor bond.

A Little Friendship Goes a Long Way

It’s hard to gauge the degree of formality a client expects from you, especially if you only correspond via email or other digital means. If possible, however, and if you aren’t getting any red flags, you should try to let yourself be a little more human in correspondence with at least one of your client’s staff. This might mean exchanging emails beyond the professional minimum, or connecting on Twitter or Facebook, or whatever you think might result in a more chummy relationship.

It’s a far cry from a wild night out on the town, but it will still go a long way toward making your professional connections more than just an email address you send correspondence and work product to. Make sure you’re not overstepping any boundaries here, though, or you’ll end up doing more damage than good.

Dinner’s On Me, Even If I’m Not There

Just because you aren’t physically able to take clients to dinner doesn’t mean you can’t do that remotely, too. Try to find out your client’s taste when it comes to food and restaurant choices, and then, if possible, get gift certificates to send them on special occasions. While gift certificates may not always be available, especially for independent restaurants, contact the restaurant directly, and I’m sure most of the time you’ll be able to work something out.

The key to success with this kind of gifting is making sure it’s timed appropriately. Just giving a client dinner for no apparent reason could actually backfire and arouse suspicion that something isn’t going well with the project. If you’re familiar enough with your client to know personal details like anniversaries and birthdays, than that’s the time to choose to do something like this, but if not, stick to major project successes.

Quirky Gifts

I’ve actually only been on the receiving end of this, but it worked a treat. In passing, I mentioned on Twitter my dismay that Apple Jacks (the cereal) wasn’t available for purchase in Canada. Within the week, I’d received two boxes of the coveted breakfast item in the mail. A colleague had spotted the mention and quickly rushed to my aid, at his own expense, expecting nothing in return.

This small act of kindness did more to solidify my good feelings toward him than probably a year’s worth of email or Twitter correspondence could have. This kind of opportunity may not just fall in your lap like my Apple Jacks comment, but if you keep your eyes and ears open when dealing with your client, a similar situation might arise in which you’re in a unique position to scratch a quirky itch in a fun way. Best of all, in most cases this kind of relationship-building won’t cost you nearly as much as dinner or other gifts, and it comes with a significantly higher rater of return compared to other methods, in my opinion.

It may not be quite the same as traditional face-to-face business outings, but there’s a lot of relationship-building you can do as a remote worker, too. It helps keep clients happy, yes, but it also helps you put a human face on your contacts and professional associates, which is far more valuable in the long run.

Photo courtesy Rifu Senka on Flickr

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• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
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• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks