No, I’m not kidding. This actually happened. I had a 30-second “interview” with Jonathan Ive.

On the way out of the Moscone Center this morning, as streams of people are leaving to get some fresh air and digest all of the announcements from the WWDC 2009 keynote address, I see a familiar face walking towards me. It’s Jonathan Ive. I can’t believe it. This guy is design royalty.

But I’m from Los Angeles: We’re not afraid to approach the rich and famous in my city. Heck, I produce theater with lots of famous actors and comedians, so I often have to work with known personalities. This was a rare opportunity and certainly not a time for sudden shyness, so I approached the master designer and introduced myself.

The following is an exact transcript of what transpired.

Me: Jonathan…?
Jonathan: [Turns, sees I'm no one he knows] Yes…?
Me: David Koff. Nice to meet you.
Jonathan: Thank you.
Me: May I snap a photo with you?

[Beat. He pauses, looks around, unsure of what to say, clearly uncomfortable.]

Me: It’s not a big deal. If you’d rather not, it’s quite OK.
Jonathan: Well, there are others here who are also deserving of a photo but I can’t accommodate them as well, so…how about we just shake hands?
Me: That would be lovely. I’m a great fan of your work.
Jonathan: Thank you, that’s very kind.
Me: You’re welcome. Keep up the good work.
Jonathan: [Looking at me like I'm insane] I’ll do that. Thank you.

[He walks off. I wait a moment. I follow, calling after him, running and waving my arms wildly as if in a Seth Rogan romantic comedy...]

Me: Godspeed, Jonathan! I love you! Have my babies…!

OK, well maybe that’s not how I ended the conversation, but everything before that was accurate. Ive is a notoriously private and quiet individual, which is why I was surprised to even see him out and about with the crowd — and which is why I was surprised he even stopped to turn and speak with me.

But that’s your dutiful David Koff, folks. Always willing to find the hard-to-get interviews…even when the interviewee doesn’t know he was scheduled to meet me in the first place.

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TheMacDweeb - discussing the number of times he's enjoyed using PC's.

Since it’s not common for a comedian to join the ranks of a tech blog, I’m very excited to introduce myself as the newest blogger here at TheAppleBlog. Hopefully, you can count on me to make you laugh a wee bit while reading.

And since it’s certainly not common for a comedian to also be a Mac expert, I’m also excited to introduce myself as the SysAdmin of a 250-Mac network at a sweet (but undisclosed) location in the heart of Los Angeles. Hopefully, you can count on me to teach you a thing or two about your Macs.

I’ve been studying, practicing, ripping apart, fixing, tinkering, and mastering Apple computers since my folks bought me an Apple II+ back in the early Mesozoic era of computing. (Yes, there were dinosaurs roaming the planet when I first learned BASIC.) But what started at age eleven as a hobby has become an obsession now that I manage hundreds of Macs. And don’t even get me started about my iPod or iPhone collection. In fact, I’ll probably write about that in another post…

I’ve also been studying, practicing, ripping apart, fixing, tinkering, and mastering comedy since my folks took me to an Andy Kaufman concert. I’ve performed stand-up comedy at The Laugh Factory & The Improv; I’ve acted on TV shows such as “The West Wing” and “Sesame Street”; and I produce and direct a comedy troupe in Los Angeles called “Fake Radio.” For nine years, we’ve re-created actual radio shows from the 1940′s and 1950′s with incredible guest stars.

For any of my Mac-tastic work, you can follow me here as well as on Twitter or over at The Mac Dweeb blog. I look forward to reading your comments on my articles…and sharing the occasional knock-knock joke.

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m a simple man. I like a good cup of coffee in the morning, mellow get-togethers with close friends, and technology that simplifies my life…not makes it more complicated. So what’s there to do when your Mac starts to act a bit funky? By “funky,” I don’t mean “Tom Cruise” funky — the last stage before total meltdown — but rather “Michael Richards” funky. That stage when the computer starts doing odd, unexpected things and people start noticing.

Back in the days of OS 9, if your Mac acted strangely, there was a trick that was so simple that anyone could do it and help to maintain their Macs themselves. All you needed to do was to rebuild your desktop files — and everyone knew how to do that. The upshot? Even if rebuilding the desktop files didn’t fix the problem, it couldn’t damage your Mac. It could only help.

And man, wouldn’t you love to know that there was something like that for OS X? Well there is and — shock of all shocks — it’s totally free! The application is called AppleJack and it’s incredibly simple to use.

Let’s break it down to five easy steps:

1. Head over to SourceForge and download the app. Benefits> Like I said, it’s free!
2. Install the software. If you want to also check your RAM, do a customized install and also install the “MemTest” application. Benefits? You’ll get two programs for the price of one.
3. Restart your Mac, hold down the “Command” and the “S” keys to boot into “Single User Mode” (Note: You must use a wired, USB keyboard for this. Wireless keyboards will not work). Single User Mode is a fancy term that tells your Mac to “turn off the graphics and boot strictly into text-only mode.” Benefits? Seeing your Mac boot into single user mode is seriously cool. In fact, since you’ve probably never seen your Mac boot up into plain ‘ole text before, you’ll feel like you’re a computer whiz seeing something rare and forbidden.
4. When your computer is done booting into Single User Mode, the scrolling text will stop. It should look something like this. Type applejack auto restart and then hit enter. Now go grab a cup of coffee. Benefits? Harvard thinks coffee is healthy. And so do I, even though I went to UPenn, a far cooler school.
5. Watch your screen for about five minutes as AppleJack runs through five different tasks — running disk utility to repair your internal hard drive, fixing your permissions, cleaning up a series of cache files, validating core preferences and removing all “swap” files. When it’s finished, your computer will restart auto-magically. Benefits? You’ve just enjoyed an awesome cup of coffee while looking very cool.

While this application won’t fix a hardware malfunction, it’s perfect for software problems. Plus, it’s simple, easy and free. Give it a shot and relive your old “rebuild the desktop files” glory days, why doncha?

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