The day itself is tomorrow, so I’m providing some suggestions that haven’t been done to death, and that will go over especially well if you go to your local Mac club’s Halloween bash this weekend.

Costume #1: John Sculley

The Jobs costume, and even the Woz costume, are common enough, and Flickr is replete with examples of both. What isn’t so common is people opting to dress up like former Apple CEO John Sculley, who was Apple’s CEO when Steve Jobs was ousted from the company.

To dress up as Sculley, think conventional business person. A dark suit and sensible, solid-colored tie is best. Use some flour or temporary coloring in your hair to achieve a salt-and-pepper type look. Carry a bottle of Pepsi, or, as Steve Jobs likes to call it, “sugared water.” Carry a Newton in the other hand if you can find one. Also bring with you many copies of your autobiography “Odyssey” and distribute to everyone you meet.

Costume #2: The Apple Lisa

It’s easy to dress like the original Mac, since the shape is basically the same as a large cardboard box which you can then detail as needed. What’s more challenging, and therefore more impressive if you do pull it off, is the Apple Lisa.

The Lisa, released in 1983, was a beast compared to the Mac, a wide squat gal with two 5.25-inch floppy drives stacked next to the built-in monitor. You could manage this on your own, but for more accuracy, partner up and make this a two person costume. For added fun, create an Apple ProFile external hard disk replica and wear it atop your Lisa costume. When people accuse you of being unsuccessful, retort with “At least NASA loved me!”

Costume #3: Hexley the Platypus

Who doesn’t love the adorable mascot of Apple’s open source operating system, Darwin? His name is Hexley, and he’s a platypus, and he’s unsanctioned by Apple. Whether or not he’s officially approved of by Apple, which bases OS X on the Darwin POSIX-compliant operating system, as a costume idea, he’s rife with potential.

At the very least, you’ll need a full-body platypus costume, which can’t be that hard to find. Just look in the “marsupial” section at your local dress-up shop. If all the platypus costumes are already rented, a black duck-bill and a flat, broad tail will suffice.

If you really want to go all out, you’ll also need a soft red cap with devil horns attached to it, and a big red pitchfork. Other optional props include a perfect floating sphere of water, a giant-size old-fashioned key, and a giant worm. If you feel like being even more obscure, try other Apple-related mascots like Clarus the Dogcow.

Costume #4: The Moscone Center

It’s the building where virtually every major Apple event goes down, including the Macworld Expo, and the Worldwide Developers Conference. It’s also probably the most challenging costume on this list, but if you go for the very recognizable corner view seen in the photo shown here, it might not be that difficult.

Wear two large pieces of cardboard joined to form a corner. Round the top, and coat with yellow tissue paper to mimic the inside lighting. Cover with a top layer of cellophane or transparency material to emulate the windows, and make sure to paint in window separators and apply giant Apple decals. Make a “street” attached to the bottom of the costume, and glue toy cars to it for added realism.

There you have it, four ways to stand out from the crowd this Halloween, and show your love of Apple. Also a great way to alienate non-techies and possibly get beat up, if you’re still in high school.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• What Google’s Honeycomb Means for Apple and Microsoft

With the App Store, it’s a little different. A year ago, Steve Jobs stood on a stage and painted a picture of Apple as benevolent Guardian of Light. The types of software Apple would disallow seemed like a no brainer: porn, malicious apps, bandwidth hogs, etc. Now, I’m starting to think that scene could have been from a remake of the Godfather.

A young software developer nominated by his peers to ask this request is ushered into the Godfather’s study. A tall, unshaven man is sitting behind a desk petting a cat. Two men are off in the shadows.

“Please Godfather,” the young man pleads. “We will do anything to be able to develop for the iPhone. ANYTHING.”

The Godfather sighs, puts the cat down and stands up, brushing cat hairs from his black mock turtleneck. His sons, Phil and Tim, come out of the shadows. He walks over to the trembling developer, places his arm around his shoulders and says, “I will grant you your request. In return, you will let me dip my beak into your enterprise — just a little, say 30 percent. You will also agree to make no apps with that funny business. No nudity. Nothing obscene. We are not the monsters the media paints us to be. We run a family business. However, I must caution: Some day, and that day may never come, I may need to disallow one of your apps.”

A year passes, and the young software developer is now in a basement, chained to a chair under a single, exposed light. Blood is running down his face and the Godfather is wearing a stained apron over his turtleneck and jeans.

“I let you run your own little enterprise, and this is how you repay me? You attack my own business and try to cut into my profits — cut into the alliances I have created with the other Families, the Families that are the transport for our commerce. Why do you disrespect me? There can be no competition to the apps that ship on the iPhone. No apps to download podcasts. No apps to check your mail. No apps to surf the Internet. We already give you those apps.”

I have an issue with Apple disallowing apps because they “duplicate existing functionality” on the iPhone. Granted, there’s a line. As much as I’d love a Gmail app that handled conversation threading, I can see where there’d be confusion with it not being the default mail client. For the most part though, I think if someone searches for, and downloads, an app, there’s not going to be much confusion on what it does.

It seems like we rarely go through a month where there’s not an app rejection worthy of a facepalm. Podcaster got refused because it had functionality Apple hadn’t released yet. Eucalyptus got refused because a reviewer was able to use it to download the Kama Sutra (although you can make a point it duplicated existing functionality since Apple thoughtfully provided a browser I can use to view all types of adult content). Now, Google Voice got refused because AT&T requested it. With the not-so-subtle attacks against AT&T at WWDC, I’m amazed Apple caved to AT&T and didn’t just start laughing.

Developers are starting to shy away from the platform — it may not be an exodus, but the natives are definitely restless. While he’s much maligned for it, Ballmer was right: it’s all about developers, developers, developers. This is turning into a PR nightmare for Apple, which is hard to imagine, given PR is Apple’s strong point.

I’m also worried if they continue refusing apps because it competes against Apple (or, rather, “duplicates existing functionality”) that may begin to start an antitrust movement. It’s not illegal for a company to be a monopoly; it is illegal to use that monopoly to stifle competition. I fear Apple is getting dangerously close to that point with the heavy hand they have on the App Store.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• How to Market Your iPhone App: A Developer’s Guide
• Virtual Worlds: Trends and Opportunities

Microsoft’s free antivirus software, Morro, will soon be in beta testing — a free cure for one of the Windows world’s greatest sicknesses. And you know it’s gotta be good, because who better to close those doors than the company that opened them in the first place?

We should all practice safe computing, so as a Mac user, I’m not going to mention the stark virus differences between the opposing platforms. Rather, today I suggest we lift our voice in song to celebrate the occasion with our Windows-loving friends.

Come on, you know the song, so feel free to join in…

Malware on my PC
To Morro.
Bet your bottom dollar
That with Morro,
There’ll be none.

Virus on the network
To Morro.
Clean away the spyware
In code borrowed
From someone.

When my PC’s exposed,
And hosed,
Infected.
I just reach for the cure,
I’m sure,
And say…

Oh!

The fix’ll come soon
To Morro.
Other AV vendors,
Filled with sorrow,
Cry all day!

To Morro! To Morro!
Blow kisses to Morro!
It’s just
A release
Away!

(Apologies to everyone involved in the production of Annie.)

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks
• What Google’s Honeycomb Means for Apple and Microsoft
• The Future of Work Platforms: An Overview

No, I’m not kidding. This actually happened. I had a 30-second “interview” with Jonathan Ive.

On the way out of the Moscone Center this morning, as streams of people are leaving to get some fresh air and digest all of the announcements from the WWDC 2009 keynote address, I see a familiar face walking towards me. It’s Jonathan Ive. I can’t believe it. This guy is design royalty.

But I’m from Los Angeles: We’re not afraid to approach the rich and famous in my city. Heck, I produce theater with lots of famous actors and comedians, so I often have to work with known personalities. This was a rare opportunity and certainly not a time for sudden shyness, so I approached the master designer and introduced myself.

The following is an exact transcript of what transpired.

Me: Jonathan…?
Jonathan: [Turns, sees I'm no one he knows] Yes…?
Me: David Koff. Nice to meet you.
Jonathan: Thank you.
Me: May I snap a photo with you?

[Beat. He pauses, looks around, unsure of what to say, clearly uncomfortable.]

Me: It’s not a big deal. If you’d rather not, it’s quite OK.
Jonathan: Well, there are others here who are also deserving of a photo but I can’t accommodate them as well, so…how about we just shake hands?
Me: That would be lovely. I’m a great fan of your work.
Jonathan: Thank you, that’s very kind.
Me: You’re welcome. Keep up the good work.
Jonathan: [Looking at me like I'm insane] I’ll do that. Thank you.

[He walks off. I wait a moment. I follow, calling after him, running and waving my arms wildly as if in a Seth Rogan romantic comedy...]

Me: Godspeed, Jonathan! I love you! Have my babies…!

OK, well maybe that’s not how I ended the conversation, but everything before that was accurate. Ive is a notoriously private and quiet individual, which is why I was surprised to even see him out and about with the crowd — and which is why I was surprised he even stopped to turn and speak with me.

But that’s your dutiful David Koff, folks. Always willing to find the hard-to-get interviews…even when the interviewee doesn’t know he was scheduled to meet me in the first place.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

There once was a major OS
Whose code was so clearly a mess.
But we just have to cope,
And hope against hope
It’s fixed in the next version, I guess.

There’s a hot social network called Twitter.
On my desktop, “tweets” it does litter.
Truth is most are a bore;
I’m not sure I want more,
But I sort through the mud for the glitter.

We once kept our files on PCs
So working with them was a breeze.
But now they’re in the Cloud,
And we all scream out loud
When an outage brings us to our knees.

I have personal info to sync,
And used all the right settings, I think.
Alas, to my despair
It never gets there;
It’s enough to drive someone to drink.

There’s a hot rumor from overseas.
Geeks just can’t get enough of these.
It wasn’t fact-checked,
But it must be correct
Since it came to us from the Chinese.

In this online age it gets tough,
And some firms’ Terms of Service are rough.
But we’re in such a hurry
We don’t stop to worry
Until Facebook owns all of our stuff.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

Some say it’ll be a netbook;
That’s what Chinese papers proclaim.
Their track record has been spotty at best
But we believe them all the same.

Others say it’ll be a touch;
An amazing new device.
Stunning, breathtaking, typically Apple,
Right down to the asking price.

Still others say it’s a tablet;
The form pushed by the last generation.
Some people just can’t let this idea go;
It’s like rumor constipation.

The competition will laugh.
“It’ll never sell” they’ll bemoan.
Then immediately tell their engineers
To begin making one of their own.

Tech pundits of course will hate it;
They’ll nit-pick it and start naggin’.
But after an incredible blow-out quarter
They’ll scramble to get on the bandwagon.

Apple bashers will decry it
Despite features with which it’s graced.
“Who cares that it can cure cancer,” they’ll wail,
“When its battery can’t be replaced?”

Of course there will be cool features
Like only Apple designs.
Push a button and it logs in to the DMV
To erase all your parking fines.

The broadband features are many,
I can only name a few.
It’ll jam the wireless signal
Of the loser’s Dell sitting next to you.

Alas, this is just speculation.
No one really has a clue.
But that won’t stop anyone from bringing
All of this news to you.

Truth is we don’t know much about it.
Not the inside, not the screen.
In fact I think all that we know for sure
Is that Apple will say it’s green.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

In promoting his upcoming film, Objectified, a documentary maker published a photo (above) of Jony Ive from “inside Apple’s design facilities.”

Naturally, tech bloggers the world over will examine the photo in detail in the hope that Apple slipped up and left something in the photograph that reveals their next “sooper seekrit” product. Rumors and speculation will run rampant. After all, if every Chinese newspaper or two-bit tech pundit or analyst publishing nonsensical information becomes grist for the rumor mill, then certainly an actual photograph of “mad scientist” Ive’s lair should give us material for months.

I’m getting ahead of the curve to reveal that, after close inspection of the photograph, I can report on Apple’s latest cool new device. No doubt they thought it was too far back to appear in the photo. The fools! And now I can scoop all the rumor-mongers and post it myself. Remember, you read it here first…

Look closely at the picture above. Do you see anything “unusual”? It’s hard to notice, but there it is, hanging on the back wall in the top right corner of the picture. Below is a zoomed view of the photograph.

The blurry zoom doesn’t tell us much, but I processed the photograph through numerous filters to reveal a clearer picture of the next great Apple thing. Obviously, I cannot publish the processed photos for fear of reprisal from Apple’s legal department, but I can “speculate” on what I might have seen with no fear of repercussions.

Here’s what I’ve been able to gather about this new device:

• It’s round, with an unusual graphic interface. It looks nothing like Mac OS X or the iPhone.
• The outer circle appear to be “numbered” in some manner. Who knows what use this is put to, perhaps it’s the number of open windows or apps?
• There does not appear to be any “cursor” or prompt of any kind. Rather, there are two “interface bars” (my name, Apple will no doubt trademark a cool term for these).
• The “interface bars” differ in that one is longer than the other, but it’s unclear the purpose of either.
• There is a third “interface bar,” but unlike the others it is thin and red. One wonders if it somehow “sweeps” the circular interface, perhaps a real-time monitoring tool?
• It’s hard to gage size, but it appears to have roughly the footprint (in cubic inches) of the existing MacBook.
• That it’s a portable device is obvious not only by its size, but also the fact that it’s hanging on a wall and there is no power cable.

Any further speculation would go too far. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the Chinese press and a couple of analysts to join me. Meanwhile, I stop short of trying to guess what this new device will actually do, or to take a stab at its hardware specifications.

When will we know exactly what this device is for? Only time will tell.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

The attendees were not yet settled into bed;
All concerned that we only get Schiller instead.
Will there be dazzling products? What can we expect?
And will somebody get Phil a black turtleneck?

Then inside the hall there arose such a clatter
I pushed through the line to see what was the matter.
I flew like a flash on my way to the stage
As the keynote began, and the crowd was engaged.

He’s pleasant enough, this marketing guy,
And as he takes the stage we could all hear him cry
“On Macbooks, on iMacs, on iPods, on Pros,
On Minis and iPhones, who wouldn’t want those?”

Like bad rumors always before Macworld will fly
(Though we quickly forget once the keynote’s gone by),
So on the enormous screen hung from above
We watched flashing slides of the products we love.

His attire was lively, with a small dash of red,
And the clothes that he wore matched the cap on his head.
He had an extremely small bag on his back,
Had he forgotten something, what did he lack?

He had a pipe with him, but it wasn’t lit,
“Gave up smoking,” he said, “didn’t like it one bit.”
He had a round face that was pleasant and cheerful,
And a big booming voice; when he spoke ‘twas an earful!

He may be no Steve, but you couldn’t get mad,
And we might have been merry if we weren’t so sad.
But he just winked at us, and reached into the bag;
He knew what was coming but didn’t want to brag.

So instead he said nothing, and just showed to us all
The white Apple logo, glowing and small.
For a moment this small thing our eyes fixed upon,
Then I turned round to thank him, but he was gone.

Still the message was clear, we all knew what he meant;
Apple’s not gone, there’s no cause for lament.
It’s just Apple’s last expo, not the end of the world.
Our tantrums had made us sound like Rob Enderle.

PC supporters whine more every day:
Apple’s small market share, follow Microsoft’s way;
MobileMe is no match for MS Windows Live;
And our hardware has VGA ports from ’95;

A six hundred dollar PC is desirous,
(Though it can’t run much more than your anti-virus);
And Vista’s improving, of that have no fear,
Versions 2.Little and 2.Late are both due next year.

And it then struck us all that the sadness we’d had
Was quite trivial compared to Microsoft’s bad.
Though it’s Apple’s last keynote inside of this hall,
They’re still around making great products for all.

So we all headed home with more joy than before;
Knowing Apple’s designing cool products galore.
And I had to exclaim, since our fears were misplaced,
Happy Macworld to all…  Now where’s copy and paste?

(Apologies to Clement Clark Moore.)

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

Not sure if we should consider AT&T as “defying an economic slump” when it’s laying off 12K of its workforce and reducing capital expenditures.

I’m not criticizing MDN, the headlines actually link to two different sources (the former is Bloomberg; the latter is MarketWatch), so it’s not a case of the same source contradicting itself. MDN is a news aggregator, so the juxtaposition of different headlines is common, but it’s usually without such a seeming conflict.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• Why iPad 2 Will Lead Consumers Into the Post-PC Era
• The Near-Term Evolution of Social Commerce
• Content Farms: The Players, The Benefits, The Risks

Nearly two months ago, we penned the sad news that Air-O-Matic’s “Pull My Finger” application was denied from entry to the App Store. Pull My Finger (if you couldn’t guess) was a fart noise machine for iPhone. It was one of those times in life when I realized I couldn’t have what I didn’t know I needed. Good news, fellow immature fart joke aficionados! Effector is in the App Store, and will fill that void in your life.

Effector is a sound machine. It comes loaded with noises like a machine gun, or car horn, or applause — you get the idea. It has a slider allowing you to play the sounds in a delayed loop. While it’s pretty basic on the surface, Effector has some neat tricks up its sleeve.

Clearly, the reason Effector excites me, is there’s potential to replace the functionality of the Pull My Finger iPhone application, so we’ll tackle that feature first. While the app doesn’t come loaded with noises you may hear being emitted from the body, it has functionality to allow you to upload any of your own sounds for it to play. The great part is that Effector brings this capability via the web browser, as long as your iPhone and computer are on the same Wi-Fi network. The interface is simple and effective, and getting it working requires no special magic on the part of the user. I did however find, that at least with a couple of wav files I uploaded, they didn’t play correctly, and prevented built-in sounds from playing as expected. A restart of the app fixed this.

So now you’ve got your own noises on the phone. That’s fun and all, but just playing them for yourself isn’t nearly as entertaining as using them on someone else. Enter Effector’s remote capability. Again, via a same Wi-Fi network attached browser window, you can control your iPhone (and Effector of course) from a distance away. Leave your iPhone on the couch next to your unsuspecting victim, and go to work on your computer, making everyone think your victim might need some Bean-O. (You are of course limited to the output volume of the iPhone itself, but when life gives you beans, make…oh, never mind.)

I’m so glad that this incredibly complex piece of technology that I take with me everywhere, and really could not live without, can finally be used as a high tech whoopie cushion. I believe my life is now complete! Effector is $0.99 in the App Store.

Related research and analysis from GigaOM Pro:
Subscriber content. Sign up for a free trial.

• How to Market Your iPhone App: A Developer’s Guide
• Virtual Worlds: Trends and Opportunities