Comments on: Facebook and death: Blurring the line between the real and virtual

By: Michelle Black

Michelle Black — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 17:53:06 +0000

I wrote about this situation in my family recently (https://simplyread.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/digital-legacy-a-must-have-in-our-emergency-plans).

In the research for that – and through an interview on CBC Radio One in Canada that popped up nearby in time – I learned that there’s even a group of people working to address some of these issues: http://www.deathanddigitallegacy.com.

Fascinating, compelling stuff on so many levels, as others have noted here. Major implications for how we now communicate about and handle this major, taboo- and emotion-fraught event.

By: Alex Sirota

Alex Sirota — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 17:21:31 +0000

I brought up a question recently at a conference on why social networks don’t have status related to such events. That is, there are no cues in Facebook to notify the algorithms that such an event has happened such as a death because, of course, the person to mark the event has passed on. So special pages are available to let Facebook know, but this is quite awkward isn’t it? Is there also no way to mark less devastating events such as “I got sick” or “I don’t like this”. In general much of the cues if not all revolve around “liking” even if that liking means “I don’t like.”

The algorithms should be able to tell that someone died especially in the event that their wall starts to appear like a virtual funeral which has happened to 3 of my Facebook friends in the last 2 months. It was striking at how Facebook continued to recommend I invite them to events, even though the data stream said otherwise.

I think a more complete social experience would encompass the full range of emotions and feelings other than “like”. I wonder when and how that will evolve!

Hi Nathan!

By: JP Myers

JP Myers — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 09:55:00 +0000

In the last couple years facebook has made it possible for me and some friends to have a couple monuments built, paid for by donations. One was for the author of the famous tune “take me out to the ball game” and one for Toto from the Wizard of Oz who’s grave site was destroyed to build a freeway. Go check them out, we are very proud of them and hope that facebook is around for a very long time. – JP Myers

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jack-Norworth-Memorial-Marker/118727941506682

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Toto-Canine-Movie-Star-Memorial-Marker/122059101185330

By: Chris Taylor

Chris Taylor — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 09:41:21 +0000

I’m with Nathan. The first feeling is shock when the news arrives online and not word-of-mouth as we’re used to. It’s like reading deeply personal things in highly public places.

But when that first sensation passes, we’ve seen the outpouring of grief and also great memories. It becomes a better memorial to the deceased than a the funeral service and it lasts longer. I suspect we’ll reach a point where we’ll wonder, “How did we grieve before the Web?” Sounds strange today but that day is coming.

By: Mathew Ingram

Mathew Ingram — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 22:35:00 +0000

Thanks for that, Nathan — our kids have experienced similar things, and I feel like the social aspect of that grief-sharing definitely outweighs the negative aspects, although I guess some others might disagree. It’s fascinating to watch in a strange way.

By: Nathan Rudyk

Nathan Rudyk — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 22:32:02 +0000

Facebook was a social source of horror when our daughter found out that a 15-year-old boy she had grown up with had died in a snowmobile accident, mere hours after the accident happened, almost simultaneous with when immediate family were notified. It happened so fast and was so out of the blue that we thought it might be a youthful hoax. But then Facebook soon became a huge source of comfort and emotional release for friends and family who turned the young man’s page into an amazing multi-media tribute to his short life, posting photos, poems, video, even paintings memorializing him while consoling each other. Because we live in a small, hyper-social community, I think it was a given that everyone in our town benefited in some way from the virtual grieving process.