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Summary:

I’ve been reading all the rumors Of Apple’s new machine. Seems everyone knows just what it is Although it’s never been seen. Some say it’ll be a netbook; That’s what Chinese papers proclaim. Their track record has been spotty at best But we believe them all […]

I’ve been reading all the rumors
Of Apple’s new machine.
Seems everyone knows just what it is
Although it’s never been seen.

Some say it’ll be a netbook;
That’s what Chinese papers proclaim.
Their track record has been spotty at best
But we believe them all the same.

Others say it’ll be a touch;
An amazing new device.
Stunning, breathtaking, typically Apple,
Right down to the asking price.

Still others say it’s a tablet;
The form pushed by the last generation.
Some people just can’t let this idea go;
It’s like rumor constipation.

The competition will laugh.
“It’ll never sell” they’ll bemoan.
Then immediately tell their engineers
To begin making one of their own.

Tech pundits of course will hate it;
They’ll nit-pick it and start naggin’.
But after an incredible blow-out quarter
They’ll scramble to get on the bandwagon.

Apple bashers will decry it
Despite features with which it’s graced.
“Who cares that it can cure cancer,” they’ll wail,
“When its battery can’t be replaced?”

Of course there will be cool features
Like only Apple designs.
Push a button and it logs in to the DMV
To erase all your parking fines.

The broadband features are many,
I can only name a few.
It’ll jam the wireless signal
Of the loser’s Dell sitting next to you.

Alas, this is just speculation.
No one really has a clue.
But that won’t stop anyone from bringing
All of this news to you.

Truth is we don’t know much about it.
Not the inside, not the screen.
In fact I think all that we know for sure
Is that Apple will say it’s green.

  1. “Who cares that it can cure cancer,” they’ll wail,
    “When its battery can’t be replaced?”

    Now that’s funny. Well done.

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  2. That’s awesome Tom. Great work man!

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  3. constipation? I don’t think so.
    More like diarrhoea, chum.

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  4. Chano,

    No. Constipation means I can’t get it out of my system, which I think is an apt comparison for those talking about a tablet. This vision of the future of the PC has been bandied about for over a decade.

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  5. Nice.
    And if there was an app/device that erased all my *speeding* fines, then I’d really be all set.

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  6. If more poetry was like that, I might actually read it.

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  7. Damn, I love reading your posts Tom. This was great!

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  8. Fantastic!

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  9. [...] even lower expectations than Lauren, get some $299 eWaste Linux PC, and save the remaining $700 for Apple’s new Mac mini touch tablet whatever machine due to be released any day [...]

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  10. I usually never understand the hidden meanings behind poems, so I avoid reading them. And then I came across this one and it was just Brilliant!! Loved it! Please write more!!!!

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